


How'd I Deserve This?

by Jules1398



Category: Unwind Dystology - Neal Shusterman
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-22 22:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2524250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jules1398/pseuds/Jules1398
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hayden's feelings were irrational, yet, with every waking minute in the Graveyard, he gravitated closer and closer to Connor Lassiter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How'd I Deserve This?

**Author's Note:**

> I really ship Connor and Hayden but conrisa too and ugh. I sorta combined them. Also it is utterly unacceptable that this fandom only has a few works and like a fourth of them are actually other fandoms. Come on this is my life man.

Risa Ward was perfect. She was nice, helpful, and the legless epitome of badassery. And, most importantly she was a great friend of Hayden's. 

When she failed to return with the others from the hospital trip, Hayden knew exactly how he was supposed to feel. He was supposed to mourn her. She wasn't dead yet, but who knew what the Juvis or Proactive Citizenry or whoever the hell was in charge these days was going to do to her. She could be killed or, even worse, unwound.

Yet, Hayden felt a sense of relief when she disappeared and infinitely more so when she turned up on TV with that fancy rewind kid, Camus Comprix.

He didn't even feel betrayed by what Risa did. Sure, she had taken the new spine and seemed to have moved on to this Cam dude, but Hayden didn't really care. She had her reasons for doing that and he certainly had his reasons for the intense happiness that her disappearance brought him.

It was silly though. She was his friend. He'd be acting like anybody else in the Graveyard if it weren't for Connor.

 _Connor._ It was stupid. Hayden had a stupid crush on a boy he could never have. What was this? Middle school? He was acting so juvenile. His romantic feelings should have been controllable, yet, each time he looked into the other boy's chocolaty brown eyes he fell more and more in love.

He felt so selfish. Connor belonged to Risa. Only she was allowed to look at him like that. Selfish desires like this were what drove Hayden's parents apart. They were what got them to sign the unwind order in the first place. Yet, he found it twice as difficult to try to eradicate himself from the problem than to just try to hide it from anybody but himself.

Sometimes he fell into the trap of thinking that his feelings concerning Connor and apathy with Risa's so-called betrayal were somewhat acceptable. He began to attempt to justify his thoughts. He convinced himself that Risa was gone and that Connor was wide open for the taking, even though it was blatantly obvious that Connor had been pining over her since she disappeared, increasingly so after he had come across the footage of Risa with the rewind.

Still, Hayden used this petty detail as an excuse to let his gazes linger a little longer or to mentally plan how he was going to confront Connor about his feelings, even though he knew that he'd probably be unwound before he mustered up the courage to do that.

Sometimes Hayden even convinced himself that Connor returned his feelings. The way the brunette would confide in him about everything and occasionally throw a wink his way. The little comments that he would make and he would interpret to mean something that was highly unlikely.

"Jesus, the sun sure does reflect off those braces of yours."  _So what you're saying is you were staring at my mouth._

Hayden was head over heels and he both loved and hated it. He hated all the stress, but it was keeping him alive. No matter what he felt, Connor was showing him that he did, in fact, care on one level or another. It was great knowing that somebody out there had your back. He wished he were able to feel like that before.

* * *

 

But, then, finally, something happened.

It started as completely normal night in the Graveyard. Freezing cold to contrast with the excruciating heat of the daytime. Hayden was making the last check before bed to make sure all the machinery in the ComBom was working properly when Connor showed up and beckoned for him to follow him outside the plane and into his private jet.

This wasn't abnormal. He had known Connor from early on and they mutually trusted one another to give their truthful opinions on matters concerning how the Graveyard was run and such.

Hayden noticed that the other teen looked tired, but he was running a whole compound full of kids his age as well as a few older ones. Exhaustion and stress were a given.

But, it was what Connor said when they had reached the privacy of his jet that caught him off guard. "I'm sorry."

Hayden was astonished. He was the one who should be sorry, going after something that was in no way, shape, or form his. SO, he belted out the obvious response. "For what?"

Connor ran Roland's hand through his think brown hair. "For all of this Hayden. I'm pouring all this crap about Risa on to you and you don't deserve it."

"No, it's okay," Hayden lied through his brace-covered teeth. "I'm your-" he paused, not wanting to accept that all they were and would ever be is friends. "I'm here for you, dude."

"It's really not, though," Connor replied as he bore his chocolaty brown eyes into the pits of Hayden's soul. "I've been treating you like total crap and you don't deserve it."

He did deserve it. He deserved all of it. He was betraying his friend every single time he glanced at Connor's perfectly formed butt. He tried to think of a witty reply, but instead opted for staring down at his worn out black converse.

Connor continued. "Look, man, I'm just so confused. Risa's is gone and it looks like she's moved on already and maybe I should too."

Hayden must have been reading into this wrong like every other time.

"Hayden," he whispered, forcing him to meet those brown eyes. "I've been thinking about you for a while."

Hayden's eyes widened. It wasn't a dream this time. It was one hundred percent real. Connor squinted and leaned toward him and he moved to meet his lips in their very first kiss.

It was wonderful. Sure, they had bumped noses a tiny bit and Hayden was sure that the roadblocks that were his braces could not be comfortably, but all in all, it was everything he had dreamed it would be. It wasn't just the touching to two lips with some tongue and a tiny bit of lip biting. There were feelings there. Desperation and joy.

After the kiss was done, he smiled against Connor's lips. Though the Graveyard was at constant risk of infiltration and if Risa returned Connor would probably push him aside and run after her again, they had this now, and that's what really counted when you truly considered things.


End file.
